I’ve always been a bit of a personal growth junkie. This particularly includes finding the best ways to build or break a habit.

I by no means, claim to be an expert. Even though I’ve consumed a ton of information about personal growth, most of it remains largely unprocessed. I say all of this to say, that I am to this day still building. So far during this building process though, I have managed to establish habits that I’m proud of. These are 5 of the ways that I’ve managed to successfully build or break a habit.

1. First focus on the goal. Then forget the goal.

Let’s say the habit that you want to build is to meditate for 5 minutes every morning. Or perhaps you’re trying to drink more water or spend less time watching Netflix. Let me ask you this…

WHY do you want to build or break the habit?

Sometimes when we start down a path of personal growth, we start with basic things that we think we should be doing, but we forget to connect them back to the underlying reason why? I am still guilty of this one.

A while ago, I set a goal to get in 8,000 steps a day, because you know, more movement is better for you. I came to hate it though because what it mainly meant was me walking on my treadmill staring at a blank wall for an hour or so after work. It became harder to convince myself to do it and, unsurprisingly, I stopped. My problem was that I didn’t think about the larger goal when I decided on the habit. If more movement was the goal, then I should have focused on forms of movement that I actually enjoyed, like dancing or hiking. Or chasing my dog around the house.

The goal was to be a more active person.

Yes meditation, more water and less Netflix would likely improve all of our lives, but I’m willing to bet that at the core, someone who wants to meditate more often is really just seeking increased clarity of mind and focus.

This is why setting the goal should be your first step. Imagine the outcome and do so with as much detail as possible. How do you feel for having accomplished this goal? How does this new upgraded version of you think, dress, act? Put yourself in that future moment and capture the way you feel. Visualization is a powerful tool. Use it now to direct your path forward and recall it later when you need help pushing through.

Then forget about it.

No really. Forget about the goals you’ve just spend so much time creating. You’ve solidified the vision. Now its time to lay the foundation.

2. Start Small

Now that we’ve laid the groundwork by defining and visualizing the goal, it’s time to do the actual work. When you want to build or break a habit, the key thing is not to start off sprinting.

This is a marathon scenario and pacing is critical to success.

An example I like to use here is my skincare routine. I’ve never had terrible skin, but I also never prioritized it in my 20s. When my 30s rolled around, and I saw that frown lines started to linger a little bit longer then they should, my whole tune changed. Rather than redesign my entire skincare regime though, I decided to start with 1 or 2 small changes:

• I noticed that my skin started to feel dry more often, so I started to use a more hydrating moisturizer in the morning.
• I noticed dryness throughout the day, so I started carrying that moisturizer on me.
• I began to hate the feeling of heavy makeup on my face, so I began to opt for tinted moisturizers over foundation.

Each of these small habits served as blocks that I used to slowly build; one on top of the other, until it became routine. These days I literally CANNOT fall asleep until my make-up has been removed and nighttime moisturizer applied. And isn’t that the whole point?

We want to build up these habits so that they become effortless and they last; leading us closer to our goals.

3. Plan Ahead and Simplify

I’m going to stick with my skincare routine as an example here. Another reason why its worked is because I’ve rarely switched things up. The same skincare products that I’ve used when I was 14, I more or less use today. I have no plans to change that unless my skin stops responding the same.

When you want to build or break a habit, keeping it simple is key.

Simplicity requires less thinking and leads to less decision paralysis which is a VERY real thing in world of skincare and beauty products.

On top of this, I also plan ahead. I keep backup products on hand so that I never run out of anything (a hoarder habit picked up during pandemic) and I carry makeup remover, wipes, and moisturizer in my purse, so that I’m never caught off guard.

If you’re interested in the skincare routine btw there will be a future post, but for now just know that Clinique has been the OG since ‘03 and that Neutrogena’s HydroBoost line has improved my 30 year old moisture levels drastically. Also the smell is amazing! I cannot boast enough about either of these. Check them out below!

4. Find Immediate Intangible Rewards

The hardest thing about when you build or break a habit is holding out long enough to see any of the fruits of our labor. We’re told that its about the journey and no the destination, which is true. We know things that last take time to build…but sometimes we just need a little motivation to keep going.

Enjoying the journey as we build or break a habit becomes much more feasible when we can see or feel change happening.

My advice here is to find intangible rewards that can be experienced immediately upon completing a task for a habit you want to build. Here are some examples:

• Imagining my pores absorbing all of the moisturizer I slather on my face at the end of my skin care routine, to the point where I am convinced I can feel it happening.
• The way my muscles feel like butter after deep stretching; a feeling I love and know wouldn’t be attainable without working out and stretching beforehand.
• The clearer headspace I get immediately after I meditate, even if only for 5 minutes.
• The sight of a single empty Tupperware dish in my sink after eating a prepped meal as opposed to all the dirty dishes after cooking last minute meals or the trash from the restaurant containers from DoorDash.

These rewards are tiny and some of them completely fabricated in my mind, but still… immediate intangible rewards are essential because they’ll hold you over until the larger rewards come through. This is how you enjoy the journey.

5. Make it a part of your identity.

“Every action you take is a vote in the direction of the kind of person you want to become”

– James Clear, Atomic Habits

If you want to build or break a habit, you have to make it a part of your identity.

Once you’ve done that it will begin to reinforce itself.

There are 3 distinct moments in my memory that re-enforced “healthy skin” as a part of my personal identity:

• Shortly after I started to prioritize skincare, I found myself at a bar one night and ran into some drunk girl in the bathroom (Drunk girls in the bathroom are the best by the way…SO complementing and friendly). She stopped me and said “but why your skin so radiant tho?”. BOOM Reinforced.
• A friend of mine began to repeatedly share the story of how once on a trip to Vegas, I held her down and made her wipe off her makeup before she went to sleep. She also claims that I lectured her on how Caucasian women don’t typically age that well and lovingly hinted that it was time to start taking better care of her skin. Now I don’t necessarily remember that last part but it sounds like me. Reinforced.
• I started to pay closer attention to how often people expressed surprise in learning that me and my mom were not sisters. My mom has great skin. I began to feel like it was pre-ordained that I would too. It’s already built into my genetics. Reinforced.

When you’re trying to build or break a habits, it is essential that you relate it back to the person you want to be. It may seem like you’re faking it at first, but after a while, it becomes second nature. So much so that others start to notice and point it out.

So much so, that you believe it too.

That James Clear quote above, is one that has gotten me out of bed at 6:00 am to go workout. It’s one that’s forced me to make my dinner rather than order it in, and get up and walk my dog rather than stay sitting on the couch binge-watching Bob’s Burgers for the millionth time.

If you want an AMAZING read on how to build and break a habit btw, then I absolutely recommend checking out his book, Atomic Habits. Get your copy by clicking the image below!

As this year dies down and we start to make our plans for the next one,

I hope you come to realize that it’s less about the goals you’re trying to reach and more about the person you want to become.

What habits can you build or break between now and the new year to help set you up for the most success?

Let me know your answer in the comments below.

Check out some of my other blog posts!